I love my lies..
when you smile for it..
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Missing..
Trying to forget someone
you miss is like trying to
remember someone you never know..
-Someone
Trying to forget someone
who you miss more than you love is like
thinking to forget, how to think
-Ungal thozhan
you miss is like trying to
remember someone you never know..
-Someone
Trying to forget someone
who you miss more than you love is like
thinking to forget, how to think
-Ungal thozhan
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Matrix Dialogue - Neo and Morpheaus
For some, The Matrix is just another sci-fi movie, a slick production from Hollywood's dream factory. But for those who appreciate the philosophy of The Matrix, it is a wake-up call. The movie is considered to be far-ahead of its times. It challenges our understanding of perspective, reality and illusion, and many other intriguing concepts.
These Matrix quotes are words of wisdom by Morpheus, Neo's spiritual leader and guide.
"Fate, it seems, is not without a sense of irony."
"What is "real"? How do you define "real"?"
"This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back.
You take the blue pill -- the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe.
You take the red pill -- you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes."
"I'm trying to free your mind, Neo. But I can only show you the door. You're the one that has to walk through it."
"Have you ever had a dream, Neo, that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to wake from that dream, Neo? How would you know the difference between the dream world and the real world? "
"The Matrix is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth.""What you know you can't explain, but you feel it. You've felt it your entire life, that there's something wrong with the world. You don't know what it is, but it's there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad."
"Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Matrix is. You have to see it for yourself."
"If real is what you can feel, smell, taste and see, then 'real' is simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain."
"The Matrix is a system, Neo.
That system is our enemy. But when you're inside, you look around, what do you see? Businessmen, teachers, lawyers, carpenters. The very minds of the people we are trying to save. But until we do, these people are still a part of that system and that makes them our enemy. You have to understand, most of these people are not ready to be unplugged. And many of them are so inert, so hopelessly dependent on the system that they will fight to protect it."
"There is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path."
These Matrix quotes are words of wisdom by Morpheus, Neo's spiritual leader and guide.
"Fate, it seems, is not without a sense of irony."
"What is "real"? How do you define "real"?"
"This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back.
You take the blue pill -- the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe.
You take the red pill -- you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes."
"I'm trying to free your mind, Neo. But I can only show you the door. You're the one that has to walk through it."
"Have you ever had a dream, Neo, that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to wake from that dream, Neo? How would you know the difference between the dream world and the real world? "
"The Matrix is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth.""What you know you can't explain, but you feel it. You've felt it your entire life, that there's something wrong with the world. You don't know what it is, but it's there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad."
"Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Matrix is. You have to see it for yourself."
"If real is what you can feel, smell, taste and see, then 'real' is simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain."
"The Matrix is a system, Neo.
That system is our enemy. But when you're inside, you look around, what do you see? Businessmen, teachers, lawyers, carpenters. The very minds of the people we are trying to save. But until we do, these people are still a part of that system and that makes them our enemy. You have to understand, most of these people are not ready to be unplugged. And many of them are so inert, so hopelessly dependent on the system that they will fight to protect it."
"There is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path."
காதல் & Love
காதலில் கண்ணீர் கன்னம் தாண்டுவதில்லை..
இதழில் விழுந்து..
இதயம் கிழித்து..
மனதையும் வதைக்கும்..
இருந்தும் அழகாய் சிரிக்கும்.. காதல்.
Tears in love
'll never cross the cheeks..
Its slips in lips,
hurt the heart,
wind the mind,
yet.. Smiles pretty ... Love.
இதழில் விழுந்து..
இதயம் கிழித்து..
மனதையும் வதைக்கும்..
இருந்தும் அழகாய் சிரிக்கும்.. காதல்.
Tears in love
'll never cross the cheeks..
Its slips in lips,
hurt the heart,
wind the mind,
yet.. Smiles pretty ... Love.
கற்றது வாழ்க்கை..
ருசி மறந்து , பசி புரிந்தோம்..
வியர்வை அள்ளி, முகம் துடைத்தோம்..
வழி தேடி, திசை அறிந்தோம்..
பணம் கரைந்து, தந்தையின் வலி உணர்ந்தோம்..
As a chennai Bachelor,
கற்றது வாழ்க்கை..
வியர்வை அள்ளி, முகம் துடைத்தோம்..
வழி தேடி, திசை அறிந்தோம்..
பணம் கரைந்து, தந்தையின் வலி உணர்ந்தோம்..
As a chennai Bachelor,
கற்றது வாழ்க்கை..
துளி கர்வம்
வானத்தில் இருந்து மேகம் உடைந்து,
மழை துளியாய் கீழ் விழுந்தாழும்,
சற்று குனிந்து பாருங்கள்,
அதே மழை துளிகள் உங்கள் காலடியில்,
வானத்தையே பிரதிபலித்து கொண்டிருக்கும்...
அடக்கம் அதுர்க்குள் அடக்கம்..
மழை துளியாய் கீழ் விழுந்தாழும்,
சற்று குனிந்து பாருங்கள்,
அதே மழை துளிகள் உங்கள் காலடியில்,
வானத்தையே பிரதிபலித்து கொண்டிருக்கும்...
அடக்கம் அதுர்க்குள் அடக்கம்..
Netraiya kanavu..
Netraiya kanavu..!!
Virudhunagar, evening 5.54..
Azhagaana maalai…
Idhamaana veyil..
I was on the way to my home returning from school..
Veedu pakathula thaan.. stop’la irundhu just oru 200m. but naan nadakra speeduku, veetuku poradhuku solid’ah ½ hr aagum..!!!
Adhu enavo therila.. Something was troubling me that day.! I could hear my heart speaking a lot, but aedhuvumae puriyala… oru kulupamaana soolnilai..
Matter ennaanaa, naaliku, last working day of my school day!
Friends piriyapora varuthamaa?
Exam payama(apdi onnu iruko)?
Future expectations’a?
illa road orathula murachu paathirukra naaya? . . . enavo therila oru disturbance..
Life oru mirror maathiri’nga, It looks just the way u look..
Idha aen ipo solraena.. apo roadla yaara paathaalum, ena maathiri, sogamaa irundha mathiri irundhadhu…
Apo thaan gavanichaen..
Thoorathula.. romba thoorathula.. oru brightness... oru ponnu..
Adhu varaikum, “pennai kandaal mannai kaanum” sangam, urupinar’a irundha naan, ipo light’a sarikkitaen..
Engayo paartha nyabagam..
Idhae ponnu..
Idhae mugam..
Idhae free hairstyle..
Idhae blue half saree..
Idhae one side smile..
Avlo neram, manasula oru periya weight irudha feeling, ipo aedho andha weight’a mala mela irundhu thali vitta maathiri oru relief.. manasu gaali’ya.. innum lesa.. light’a oru 2inch tharaiaya vittu parakkra maathiri oru feel (Boys padathula varumae adhu maathriri..)
Just like the heart beat, walking speed also increased… want to see her face.. innum paakathula..once..
Vegama nadhanthaen.. she was coming opposite to me on the other side of the road..!
Road cross pannanum..
.
.
.
.
Just then I realized I am in MID of the road
Oru payathula, takkunu thirumbi paathaaa…………………
As unexpected of expected.. A bus was coming behind in me in full speed . . . . . . . . .
.
.
.
.
But, thanks God.. adhu enga ooru, virudhunagar-thirumangalam town bus.. full speed 20km/hr than.. so, naan nadandhae road cross pannitaen..!!!
Indha Gap’la I missed her..!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Thirumba back to the form..! ellaa sogamum thirumba, back to the pavilion….
Thideernu tharila oru light vibration.. chinnnadhaa.. oru nadukkam…
Earthquake….?! Virudhunagar’lia?
Irukalaam.. just like Love.. nature is also blind..!
Once more adhae nadukkam… adhae vibration..!! but innum konjam stong’a..
kandippa.. 5.7ricters irukalaam..!!
Suthi bayangara koochal.. kulappam.. chaos…!!!!
Ellaarum odraanga.. enga odraanga’nu therila.. aaana odraanga..!! kandamaniku odraanga..
But indha kalavarathulaiyum, yaaruko our kudhukalam.. engaiyo “nenaithi nenaithu” paatu speaker’la pottu.. full volume’la oorukae kekra maathiri potitirukaanga..!!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Adutha oru patho second’la oru bayangra blow. …………………………………………
100 ricters kooda irukalaam..
In the effect of kicked football…
I wud have been thrown some 50m away…
But, aacharyam………… valikavae illa…
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
“‘DAI NAAYAE, ENDHRICHU, ALARM OFF PANNI THOLA… KAALANGAATHAALA 4.30 MANIKKU UYIRA VAANGRAAN…!”
Kadavulaa pesuraaru..??? illa, pakkathu padhuthirukra room mate pesuraaru.. sorry vairaaru..
So, vandhadhu earthquake illa.. mobile vibration..
Ninaithu ninaithu paattu.. alarm song..
Kalaindhadhu kanavu..
Endrichitaen…,. Indha varaen..
- Ivlo periya mokka pottadhuku mannikkavum..
- Porumaiya padichadhu nandrigal..!!
Ungal Thozhan Prasanna..!
Virudhunagar, evening 5.54..
Azhagaana maalai…
Idhamaana veyil..
I was on the way to my home returning from school..
Veedu pakathula thaan.. stop’la irundhu just oru 200m. but naan nadakra speeduku, veetuku poradhuku solid’ah ½ hr aagum..!!!
Adhu enavo therila.. Something was troubling me that day.! I could hear my heart speaking a lot, but aedhuvumae puriyala… oru kulupamaana soolnilai..
Matter ennaanaa, naaliku, last working day of my school day!
Friends piriyapora varuthamaa?
Exam payama(apdi onnu iruko)?
Future expectations’a?
illa road orathula murachu paathirukra naaya? . . . enavo therila oru disturbance..
Life oru mirror maathiri’nga, It looks just the way u look..
Idha aen ipo solraena.. apo roadla yaara paathaalum, ena maathiri, sogamaa irundha mathiri irundhadhu…
Apo thaan gavanichaen..
Thoorathula.. romba thoorathula.. oru brightness... oru ponnu..
Adhu varaikum, “pennai kandaal mannai kaanum” sangam, urupinar’a irundha naan, ipo light’a sarikkitaen..
Engayo paartha nyabagam..
Idhae ponnu..
Idhae mugam..
Idhae free hairstyle..
Idhae blue half saree..
Idhae one side smile..
Avlo neram, manasula oru periya weight irudha feeling, ipo aedho andha weight’a mala mela irundhu thali vitta maathiri oru relief.. manasu gaali’ya.. innum lesa.. light’a oru 2inch tharaiaya vittu parakkra maathiri oru feel (Boys padathula varumae adhu maathriri..)
Just like the heart beat, walking speed also increased… want to see her face.. innum paakathula..once..
Vegama nadhanthaen.. she was coming opposite to me on the other side of the road..!
Road cross pannanum..
.
.
.
.
Just then I realized I am in MID of the road
Oru payathula, takkunu thirumbi paathaaa…………………
As unexpected of expected.. A bus was coming behind in me in full speed . . . . . . . . .
.
.
.
.
But, thanks God.. adhu enga ooru, virudhunagar-thirumangalam town bus.. full speed 20km/hr than.. so, naan nadandhae road cross pannitaen..!!!
Indha Gap’la I missed her..!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Thirumba back to the form..! ellaa sogamum thirumba, back to the pavilion….
Thideernu tharila oru light vibration.. chinnnadhaa.. oru nadukkam…
Earthquake….?! Virudhunagar’lia?
Irukalaam.. just like Love.. nature is also blind..!
Once more adhae nadukkam… adhae vibration..!! but innum konjam stong’a..
kandippa.. 5.7ricters irukalaam..!!
Suthi bayangara koochal.. kulappam.. chaos…!!!!
Ellaarum odraanga.. enga odraanga’nu therila.. aaana odraanga..!! kandamaniku odraanga..
But indha kalavarathulaiyum, yaaruko our kudhukalam.. engaiyo “nenaithi nenaithu” paatu speaker’la pottu.. full volume’la oorukae kekra maathiri potitirukaanga..!!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Adutha oru patho second’la oru bayangra blow. …………………………………………
100 ricters kooda irukalaam..
In the effect of kicked football…
I wud have been thrown some 50m away…
But, aacharyam………… valikavae illa…
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
“‘DAI NAAYAE, ENDHRICHU, ALARM OFF PANNI THOLA… KAALANGAATHAALA 4.30 MANIKKU UYIRA VAANGRAAN…!”
Kadavulaa pesuraaru..??? illa, pakkathu padhuthirukra room mate pesuraaru.. sorry vairaaru..
So, vandhadhu earthquake illa.. mobile vibration..
Ninaithu ninaithu paattu.. alarm song..
Kalaindhadhu kanavu..
Endrichitaen…,. Indha varaen..
- Ivlo periya mokka pottadhuku mannikkavum..
- Porumaiya padichadhu nandrigal..!!
Ungal Thozhan Prasanna..!
Happy Valentines Special Story
Dedicated to love...
2007 October 14..
Sunday 04:20 PM..
Beep... Beep..
Excuse me boss, you have an sms...
My mobile.. ringtone for sms...
I opened the SMS lazily, unwilling to move my eyes off from TV..
The SMS from unknown number glowed as..
"Hi, I am Pavi.."
An SMS... which changed my life......................................
Yes, Its yet another love story for all those who are going to read this.. But this is my first love story in my Life..
Ok, here we go..
I am Krishna , A Software engineer wearing smiling mask in a reputed software company!
This story is all about my love or so called love.
It’s a love which started in my college 3rd year study holidays and ended with my semester holidays... :)
Don’t worry I am not going to play violin behind you, while you read this. It’s a tragedy love... But not a tragedy love story!
You might have been surprised reading the whole story in first line itself. You know the ending, but its okay. We all know our end, but we still continue. This is also just like it...
Travelling 2.65 years back...
I was surprised to see a girl name in my inbox. Pavi... A girl name which is so strange to me, I have never came across any girl with this name... in fact, never came across any girl in my life. My hometown is very strict in some strange principles. If someone sees a teen boy and girl speaking in roadside or anywhere in nook and corner of our town, in next 20 minutes, this matter will reach the girl’s and boy’s father and he will be eating pressure tablets then... Bottom line is boys and girls should not interact so freely, until they are siblings or spouse... Girls were brought up in a mind set like, speaking to a boy is crime and getting touched by a boy is a sin.
In this scenario, how can I get a sms from a girl..? Huh.. A sms from Pavi..?!
She can’t be my college girl. My college rules are worse than our town’s principles.
If a boy and girl speaks or even sees more than 50 microsecond, then they will by called for an enquiry and then suspended till they bring their parents to college and meet principal. J Its okay, if this rules are applied in college campus only, but this rules are applied unofficially in all public places like temple, railway station, bus stand and everywhere in our town for college students. Spies are appointed for monitoring the students. God!!
Ok, who might be Pavi? A wrong number? or stupid pravin with spell mistake? Or a girl attracted by me somewhere(how can I think like this? J) or 65yrs aunty (pavitharini lakshmi kujalaambaal?) or any naughty friends trick? Or my college’s stupid plan to target me? Or a God’s Gift (chance to love)?
I don’t know!
What’s next? I replied to that number, with pounding heart ..
“Hi Pavi, thz z Krishna , who z dz? Do I knw u?”
Seconds and pulse were fighting, to wait for reply from other side! I was biting my nails just like watching cricket where, two runs to win from two balls , Akthar is bowling and Nehra is batting!!! Each and every second loaded some 5 kilos on top of my heart..
I am abnormal, to avoid my parents seeing me like this, I went to upstairs, my favorite place in my home, where I used to spend most of my time.. clouds outside are my friends. Being only child to my parents , Clouds became my friend and brother.. they used to speak, cry, sing and dance with me.. Now, they all are peeping to my mobile, to see the reply……. . . . . .
“Beep Beep..”
Yes, It came………… I grinned , quickly then opened the inbox and read new message within fraction of seconds…
“Sorry wrong number...”
Grrr….. All the cloud saw me differently in silent and they continued in their path without saying anything.. I felt like my ears have grown bigger , nose became white color and looking like idiotic ass!
“Beep Beep..”
Again a sms, could it be her ? I opened the sms..
“Anyways, I am Pavi.. So what about you? “
God is there.. J
I thought of sending my resume, web blog , web site, picassa photos and if possible a rose.. But, I am not in 2045 october.. in 2007 poor sms can hold only 167 characters.. that’s okay..
Indian college boys are those who drive auto in cycle gap.. 167 characters is enough for me.. I replied
“hey, Dz is krish,
Pavi, sweet name.. whtz ur full name?”
It Started…1st phase
Reply came in next few seconds
“Pavitha, doing 2nd yr micro biology.. u..? “
High!! Micro biology angel.. not an engg. Student.. yebba.. no IC design, no electro magnetic wave theory , no quantum physics.. She is gonna be natures paradise…!!!!
“Oh cool.. where are u pa? I am near Madurai , 3rd yr BE.. Electronic and comm. Dept.. no arrears still..:)”
I showed my academic.. don’t know why.. to prove something..
“Oops! So book head thn? Always scratching head and wearing biggggg glasses? “
No, she misunderstood.. I couldn’t understand girls.. Cinema has failed me..
“Cha, no.. Just pass.. escaped in minor diff all the sem.. my policy s, study to pass ”
. .
. .
. .
Conversation went till night.. just sms.. I dint want to call her so soon.. actually don’t want to call her, till she asks me to call.. She told abt her history in sms.. her father and mother are professors in some south college.. As expected, she is not from my town. I explained all my history and geography to her. This sms conversation with a stranger is really very strange, we cant see, hear the person in other side.. Really strange !
Few more days dissolved.. SMS traffic between us started to increase.. we shared all we like and dislike.. we are almost in sync in them.. she too likes ARRahman , manirathnam, shah rukh khan!
We had so many things in common between us, she was also only child to her parent. She slowly began to enter my heart. My heart was empty with welcome board hanging in front!
At last, 4 days later..
“Kris, call me da..”
Got the signal, at last.. I called her.. Again from upstairs with my clouds..
“Hey Pavi.. How are you” my hands trembled while saying this.. My first word with a unknown girl in this 21 years..
“You don’t know that? had lunch? So.. whats up..” She was cool..
For few seconds , I don’t know what to say..
“eh.. ya.. uh.. So, how abt you? Done?” I again trembled..
“ya .. sambar rice again.. this hostel is killing me.. I am gonna jump outside the hostel someday and have to eat something good.. I can go home only after semesters are done..” I could sense a cute sadness in her voice.. “hey still when is your study holidays?” She continued
“Till this weekend, I haven’t started to prepare for any of the papers.. ” I spoke without break successfully.. and still continued.. “only tomorrow I need to collect materials for the exams.. and need to know the exam schedules” I giggled.. She too… I am happy..
It started.. 2nd phase…
The next one week sunk in calls with her.. We started the day in call and ended the day with call.. G’mng to G’nite.. Lines are busy..
My every movement was registered to her, through sms or call. What dress she is wearing , what dress I am wearing , are we matching matching.?
What she ate, eating now, will eat later, should eat.. all entered database of brain.. Sweet nothings.. loaded the heart and brain. This data load, formatted the essentials... I completely forgot to collect materials for examination……
Suddenly when my friends came to my home for group study, I jumped back to earth from pavi world.. I was loaded with pavi mania.. It took time for me to stop sms or calling her… I need to really concentrate on my studies now. I have to forget her…… I don’t know, how I am going to make it .. She has came into my life just like a lightning…. Only a few seconds.. But very very very strong ray of light...
To keep me safe, I stick with my friends, so that I can avoid her and continue with my studies. I just sent three messages to her that day.. G’mrng.. G’eve.. and G’nite.. That day, the day when I missed her..
It started.. 3th phase..
I started to miss her, miss her like something.. I couldn’t analyze spectrum analyzer. My mind is with her now..
A very quick 4th phase.. Love..
Each and every second, when I dint speak to her seems like a years to me.
Very soon I realized, that her microbiology is working on my genetic algorithm!! I am in Love..!!
and Love is inevitable!
I called her night 12pm.. trying to say something that’s eating my mind, but couldn’t spill a word by that time. She was also missing me, I could get it from her voice..
“Krish… when will ur exams will be over da?” she asked in a very low voice with very less energy
I replied “A month..”
“31 days........!!! “ she shouted in low voice …. She seemed shocked..
“No 30 days..Its November!” I told... Trying to divert or convince her..
“Poda.. Stupid…” She tabbed me thru phone.. Girl’s way..
“Pavi, you know how critical the exams are right..! I will not be able speak to you for the next month.. but, ”
“No, don’t say a word.. I miss you..” She almost cried..
“I love you...” Only my mind could speak.. Not the lips..
“Do well your exams.. I will be waiting for you. Bye da... Send me atleast sms daily.. ” Her voice trembled and she dropped the phone
I still dint spoke a word.. just dropped the call.. and starred the night clouds and moon hiding behind them just like my love…
My exams started, all the days moved dry.
I felt like penguin in Sahara desert. I felt the pain without her!
Answer paper was filled with her face, (which I have never seen). Imagination is better than Realm. Its better. I drew her in my mind . Sometimes on answer paper also. One good & bad thing about Engineering exams, are the time line.. Each paper has exam time of 3 hours. These three hours will be not at all be enough, if u have studied something. But, the same three hours will be tooooooo long for my kind of guys.. we use this time to write poems and to draw cool toons and fonts in exam table. Every exam table will have a poem!
Finally Exams got over. All students were happy of the end. I am happy for a beginning.. Pavi again!
I reached home and took my mobile so eagerly and typed..
“Pavi, I have crossed the sahara…. Exams are over”
Message Sent…
I was waiting for the reply..
Few seconds later..
Delivery report failed…
The SMS was not delivered.
I thought she might be in a low network coverage area.
Waited for her..
She has waited for me 31 days!! I will …
But lost the patience in next few seconds, just like a boy! And called her mobile.
A voice.. “The number you are trying to call is temporarily out of service”
I am sad now! Couldn’t speak to her!! Till how much time?
Time is a scary monster, when we wait for loved ones,, we need to fight with it like a gladiator.!
I am week in fighting !
I was sending SMS to her.. and trying to call her…
After 57 SMS and 112 calls.. I accepted my loss to Time! It won again. No reply from her..
I fell in my bed, not willing to sleep but dreaming already abt pavi now..
Night went like fire on bed!!
Next day morning again few hundred sms and call… Still no reply.. I could hold no more!
Now, I missed her more.. She has made me crazy. She was playing football with my brain. I am the goal keeper without knowing , where the goal post…………………….
She was lost.. All my sms and call were vain.. Her mobile is temporarily out of service.. Not actually, It was permanently out of service.
I even went directly to her college, but no one was studying micro-biology with that name Pavi.. I don’t know what to do now! Has she played with me? Or She just want to stay safe from me ?
Only questions were in ring-a-ring-a bell around my brain!
She has gone! My Love also… gone before it started.. Infant death, the worst of all..
No more Pavi in my life.. She is a real lightning as I told earlier..
Very few scale in time, still very deep in heart..
Now.. 2010..
I don’t know where she is now. But, still, there was a girl who cared for me.. who might have loved me…
She is the one who showed me the meaning of my life.. beauty of my life, using LOVE! Her memories are still sweeter in my mind!!
Memories which keeps my life go on!!
Love kills… but takes you to heaven..!
Get killed by love and live in heaven!!
Love doesn’t matter about winning or losing in it. But loving the loved one.. That’s where our soul lives..!
This story doesn’t has any end! That’s because it’s a Love story..
… Happy Valentines day …
-Yours friendly Prasanna……..!!!
Every human loves, If not, then he is not a human..
So love all… Love all, who loves you, cares you, miss you , trust you..
Parents, friends, enemies.. Love all of them..
Love all..!!!
[Note: This is not my story, but taken from my life..! :)
Sorry and thanks for all who spent time and read till here...]
2007 October 14..
Sunday 04:20 PM..
Beep... Beep..
Excuse me boss, you have an sms...
My mobile.. ringtone for sms...
I opened the SMS lazily, unwilling to move my eyes off from TV..
The SMS from unknown number glowed as..
"Hi, I am Pavi.."
An SMS... which changed my life......................................
Yes, Its yet another love story for all those who are going to read this.. But this is my first love story in my Life..
Ok, here we go..
I am Krishna , A Software engineer wearing smiling mask in a reputed software company!
This story is all about my love or so called love.
It’s a love which started in my college 3rd year study holidays and ended with my semester holidays... :)
Don’t worry I am not going to play violin behind you, while you read this. It’s a tragedy love... But not a tragedy love story!
You might have been surprised reading the whole story in first line itself. You know the ending, but its okay. We all know our end, but we still continue. This is also just like it...
Travelling 2.65 years back...
I was surprised to see a girl name in my inbox. Pavi... A girl name which is so strange to me, I have never came across any girl with this name... in fact, never came across any girl in my life. My hometown is very strict in some strange principles. If someone sees a teen boy and girl speaking in roadside or anywhere in nook and corner of our town, in next 20 minutes, this matter will reach the girl’s and boy’s father and he will be eating pressure tablets then... Bottom line is boys and girls should not interact so freely, until they are siblings or spouse... Girls were brought up in a mind set like, speaking to a boy is crime and getting touched by a boy is a sin.
In this scenario, how can I get a sms from a girl..? Huh.. A sms from Pavi..?!
She can’t be my college girl. My college rules are worse than our town’s principles.
If a boy and girl speaks or even sees more than 50 microsecond, then they will by called for an enquiry and then suspended till they bring their parents to college and meet principal. J Its okay, if this rules are applied in college campus only, but this rules are applied unofficially in all public places like temple, railway station, bus stand and everywhere in our town for college students. Spies are appointed for monitoring the students. God!!
Ok, who might be Pavi? A wrong number? or stupid pravin with spell mistake? Or a girl attracted by me somewhere(how can I think like this? J) or 65yrs aunty (pavitharini lakshmi kujalaambaal?) or any naughty friends trick? Or my college’s stupid plan to target me? Or a God’s Gift (chance to love)?
I don’t know!
What’s next? I replied to that number, with pounding heart ..
“Hi Pavi, thz z Krishna , who z dz? Do I knw u?”
Seconds and pulse were fighting, to wait for reply from other side! I was biting my nails just like watching cricket where, two runs to win from two balls , Akthar is bowling and Nehra is batting!!! Each and every second loaded some 5 kilos on top of my heart..
I am abnormal, to avoid my parents seeing me like this, I went to upstairs, my favorite place in my home, where I used to spend most of my time.. clouds outside are my friends. Being only child to my parents , Clouds became my friend and brother.. they used to speak, cry, sing and dance with me.. Now, they all are peeping to my mobile, to see the reply……. . . . . .
“Beep Beep..”
Yes, It came………… I grinned , quickly then opened the inbox and read new message within fraction of seconds…
“Sorry wrong number...”
Grrr….. All the cloud saw me differently in silent and they continued in their path without saying anything.. I felt like my ears have grown bigger , nose became white color and looking like idiotic ass!
“Beep Beep..”
Again a sms, could it be her ? I opened the sms..
“Anyways, I am Pavi.. So what about you? “
God is there.. J
I thought of sending my resume, web blog , web site, picassa photos and if possible a rose.. But, I am not in 2045 october.. in 2007 poor sms can hold only 167 characters.. that’s okay..
Indian college boys are those who drive auto in cycle gap.. 167 characters is enough for me.. I replied
“hey, Dz is krish,
Pavi, sweet name.. whtz ur full name?”
It Started…1st phase
Reply came in next few seconds
“Pavitha, doing 2nd yr micro biology.. u..? “
High!! Micro biology angel.. not an engg. Student.. yebba.. no IC design, no electro magnetic wave theory , no quantum physics.. She is gonna be natures paradise…!!!!
“Oh cool.. where are u pa? I am near Madurai , 3rd yr BE.. Electronic and comm. Dept.. no arrears still..:)”
I showed my academic.. don’t know why.. to prove something..
“Oops! So book head thn? Always scratching head and wearing biggggg glasses? “
No, she misunderstood.. I couldn’t understand girls.. Cinema has failed me..
“Cha, no.. Just pass.. escaped in minor diff all the sem.. my policy s, study to pass ”
. .
. .
. .
Conversation went till night.. just sms.. I dint want to call her so soon.. actually don’t want to call her, till she asks me to call.. She told abt her history in sms.. her father and mother are professors in some south college.. As expected, she is not from my town. I explained all my history and geography to her. This sms conversation with a stranger is really very strange, we cant see, hear the person in other side.. Really strange !
Few more days dissolved.. SMS traffic between us started to increase.. we shared all we like and dislike.. we are almost in sync in them.. she too likes ARRahman , manirathnam, shah rukh khan!
We had so many things in common between us, she was also only child to her parent. She slowly began to enter my heart. My heart was empty with welcome board hanging in front!
At last, 4 days later..
“Kris, call me da..”
Got the signal, at last.. I called her.. Again from upstairs with my clouds..
“Hey Pavi.. How are you” my hands trembled while saying this.. My first word with a unknown girl in this 21 years..
“You don’t know that? had lunch? So.. whats up..” She was cool..
For few seconds , I don’t know what to say..
“eh.. ya.. uh.. So, how abt you? Done?” I again trembled..
“ya .. sambar rice again.. this hostel is killing me.. I am gonna jump outside the hostel someday and have to eat something good.. I can go home only after semesters are done..” I could sense a cute sadness in her voice.. “hey still when is your study holidays?” She continued
“Till this weekend, I haven’t started to prepare for any of the papers.. ” I spoke without break successfully.. and still continued.. “only tomorrow I need to collect materials for the exams.. and need to know the exam schedules” I giggled.. She too… I am happy..
It started.. 2nd phase…
The next one week sunk in calls with her.. We started the day in call and ended the day with call.. G’mng to G’nite.. Lines are busy..
My every movement was registered to her, through sms or call. What dress she is wearing , what dress I am wearing , are we matching matching.?
What she ate, eating now, will eat later, should eat.. all entered database of brain.. Sweet nothings.. loaded the heart and brain. This data load, formatted the essentials... I completely forgot to collect materials for examination……
Suddenly when my friends came to my home for group study, I jumped back to earth from pavi world.. I was loaded with pavi mania.. It took time for me to stop sms or calling her… I need to really concentrate on my studies now. I have to forget her…… I don’t know, how I am going to make it .. She has came into my life just like a lightning…. Only a few seconds.. But very very very strong ray of light...
To keep me safe, I stick with my friends, so that I can avoid her and continue with my studies. I just sent three messages to her that day.. G’mrng.. G’eve.. and G’nite.. That day, the day when I missed her..
It started.. 3th phase..
I started to miss her, miss her like something.. I couldn’t analyze spectrum analyzer. My mind is with her now..
A very quick 4th phase.. Love..
Each and every second, when I dint speak to her seems like a years to me.
Very soon I realized, that her microbiology is working on my genetic algorithm!! I am in Love..!!
and Love is inevitable!
I called her night 12pm.. trying to say something that’s eating my mind, but couldn’t spill a word by that time. She was also missing me, I could get it from her voice..
“Krish… when will ur exams will be over da?” she asked in a very low voice with very less energy
I replied “A month..”
“31 days........!!! “ she shouted in low voice …. She seemed shocked..
“No 30 days..Its November!” I told... Trying to divert or convince her..
“Poda.. Stupid…” She tabbed me thru phone.. Girl’s way..
“Pavi, you know how critical the exams are right..! I will not be able speak to you for the next month.. but, ”
“No, don’t say a word.. I miss you..” She almost cried..
“I love you...” Only my mind could speak.. Not the lips..
“Do well your exams.. I will be waiting for you. Bye da... Send me atleast sms daily.. ” Her voice trembled and she dropped the phone
I still dint spoke a word.. just dropped the call.. and starred the night clouds and moon hiding behind them just like my love…
My exams started, all the days moved dry.
I felt like penguin in Sahara desert. I felt the pain without her!
Answer paper was filled with her face, (which I have never seen). Imagination is better than Realm. Its better. I drew her in my mind . Sometimes on answer paper also. One good & bad thing about Engineering exams, are the time line.. Each paper has exam time of 3 hours. These three hours will be not at all be enough, if u have studied something. But, the same three hours will be tooooooo long for my kind of guys.. we use this time to write poems and to draw cool toons and fonts in exam table. Every exam table will have a poem!
Finally Exams got over. All students were happy of the end. I am happy for a beginning.. Pavi again!
I reached home and took my mobile so eagerly and typed..
“Pavi, I have crossed the sahara…. Exams are over”
Message Sent…
I was waiting for the reply..
Few seconds later..
Delivery report failed…
The SMS was not delivered.
I thought she might be in a low network coverage area.
Waited for her..
She has waited for me 31 days!! I will …
But lost the patience in next few seconds, just like a boy! And called her mobile.
A voice.. “The number you are trying to call is temporarily out of service”
I am sad now! Couldn’t speak to her!! Till how much time?
Time is a scary monster, when we wait for loved ones,, we need to fight with it like a gladiator.!
I am week in fighting !
I was sending SMS to her.. and trying to call her…
After 57 SMS and 112 calls.. I accepted my loss to Time! It won again. No reply from her..
I fell in my bed, not willing to sleep but dreaming already abt pavi now..
Night went like fire on bed!!
Next day morning again few hundred sms and call… Still no reply.. I could hold no more!
Now, I missed her more.. She has made me crazy. She was playing football with my brain. I am the goal keeper without knowing , where the goal post…………………….
She was lost.. All my sms and call were vain.. Her mobile is temporarily out of service.. Not actually, It was permanently out of service.
I even went directly to her college, but no one was studying micro-biology with that name Pavi.. I don’t know what to do now! Has she played with me? Or She just want to stay safe from me ?
Only questions were in ring-a-ring-a bell around my brain!
She has gone! My Love also… gone before it started.. Infant death, the worst of all..
No more Pavi in my life.. She is a real lightning as I told earlier..
Very few scale in time, still very deep in heart..
Now.. 2010..
I don’t know where she is now. But, still, there was a girl who cared for me.. who might have loved me…
She is the one who showed me the meaning of my life.. beauty of my life, using LOVE! Her memories are still sweeter in my mind!!
Memories which keeps my life go on!!
Love kills… but takes you to heaven..!
Get killed by love and live in heaven!!
Love doesn’t matter about winning or losing in it. But loving the loved one.. That’s where our soul lives..!
This story doesn’t has any end! That’s because it’s a Love story..
… Happy Valentines day …
-Yours friendly Prasanna……..!!!
Every human loves, If not, then he is not a human..
So love all… Love all, who loves you, cares you, miss you , trust you..
Parents, friends, enemies.. Love all of them..
Love all..!!!
[Note: This is not my story, but taken from my life..! :)
Sorry and thanks for all who spent time and read till here...]
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