The road is wavery, the rain droplets in my helmet eye shields are refracting the headlights in many pattern. Pune to Lonavala bike ride is something soulful in evening rain always.. but not this time. My eyes were as wet as rain, she needs me now and I had to be with her. Now or never I can see her anymore. This is my ride of last chance to make her smile for one last time. It needs a great strength to make someone smile when both of them are in pain. I had to gain my strength. Throttling my speed as much as I can see through the rains. This watery road is full of her face with those eyes waiting for me.
Megha.. In college, she was a fire cracker totally, anyplace she is walking will be blasted with laughter and fun. Only girl, that the whole college boys were afraid of. Nobody can go through her that easily even the seniors will either fell into love with her or run away from her. She had that natural style of handling everyone in such an megha-stic way. While final year all the college was her fan. She sings, paints, speaks, writes and there is nothing that she missed out in her life.
All this colors of her life is only to hide her internal pain. She has a rare tumor that’s been feeding her soul for long time. I was with her from school days seeing her changeover. In school, she is no more than any normal girl who sticks to academic. I could still remember the day, It’s a public exam holidays and their parents called me & her to sit in front of them and explaining about the disease. She smiled with tears , held my hand strongly. She didn’t spoke anything after that to us, she went and slept in her room silently. I tried to speak to her, she didn’t reply. Surprisingly next day, she came out of her room completely different. She was throwing smiles through all corners of the room. I understood her, she is ready for it.
Only thing she does, to come out of her terrible pain is texting me.. “It’s happening, I can see it”, wherever I am in, I will rush to her and just hold her hands. She would close her eyes and lay over my shoulders and slowly sleep in her bed. She wouldn’t expect any consoling words. She just needs to hold my hands and let her tears flush out her pain. So, I was near her always, we choose the same college. The least I can or anyone can do her. She was very sure that she doesn’t need any surgery which had only 10% of survival rate. She lived her life in FF mode.
As the days passed, her health is very worsening, after college she couldn’t walk and got bedridden in her home in Lonavala. Yesterday doctors told her she can’t survive more than few days. Next moment, she asked me to buy a kachori from her favourite shop near the college in pune. I got it now and riding back to lonavala after seeing her “Its happening “ text. I need to hold her hands, she needs me.
The road is wavery with rain and tears. Suddenly I got bumped into a small stone and lost control on my handbar, my bike skidded and rolled in full speed and hit the km stone. My helmet without buckles also rolled out of my head and I am thrown out of my bike straight to the rock nearby. I was about to hit the rock with my head in the speed of my bike. It’s going to be fatal. Only thing in my mind is Megha’s hands waiting to hold mine. What would she do without me?
Just before hitting the rock, something happened. Time suddenly seems to slowdown, I could see all in some tons of fps. As the time slowly freeze, everything got blurred turning to pure while light. Puzzled and confused and I didn’t hit the rock, instead I went through it. I couldn’t see anything around me and even me. Its like I took the form of my mind voice. Everything around me in white. I have no body. I couldn’t feel gravity. I couldn’t feel me. My brain started to fade out. Is this the death. Is it this painless. Is it all over? What is this speaking now. My soul? My spirit ? I felt myself so light. But what am I now.
“You are always you” came another voice from all direction, it’s strange. Same pitch, amplitude of sound from all direction. Is there any direction here? Am I upside down? Am I in heaven? What thisssss??
“Who is this? Where am I ? “ I spoke/thought/felt. I am not sure what I did, but I heard what I said.
“You are always you and you are inside you” said that voice again. Wait, I can recognize this voice somewhere, but couldn’t remember.
“I am puzzled, cant take this much.. who am I speaking to? Please help me”
I started to see someone far away, sitting in a bench. I ran/flew to him.. It was strange everything is white and he is sitting in a bench that’s floating out of nowhere. He was facing the other side. Physics has no part here.
“Who are you?” I asked.
“Who are you?” He asked me again slowly turning to me. An old man, his face seems to reminding me something.. he was slow, mysteric and smiling.
“I don’t know where I am in.., can you see me? I can’t see myself”
He laughed and said “Relax, you are in another dimension. Don’t push yourself hard to understand it. Instead, try to know why you are here?”
“Am I dead” I asked.
He had a little pause and said “You aren’t born yet”
“For my next life? I have something to do before that….”
“Megha…” He said.
“you know her? Please I have no clue whats happening around me, I need to be with her” my voice broke down.
He saw me steadily, then said “Why do you want to see her, she is going to die soon. Even if you don’t go, she will die the same way, do you think you can save her?”
“No, she can’t go from me, with me holding her hands” I said.
“Why?” he asked in stern voice.
“I don’t know to answer, but I feel that’s my purpose of my life. May be its my destiny.. may be its my love.. may be its my only way to console myself” I broke down.
He didn’t said anything.
“Where am I now, what am I now… say me please” ..
“I can say you, but you can’t understand it…
This universe has a purpose, there is an entanglement to all our actions.
Love is the basic building mechanism of this world. Humans have found answer to many knots of the universe except this strange chemical reaction of love. Love to nature, Love to friends, Love to universe..
Yet, the powerful among them is love to understand what they don’t know. The curiosity. It’s hard to decode the capability of love of curiosity. We tried and we failed.
But, love to affection is very underrated, but deep. I can see that in you now. You almost came to near death, but your only worry is nothing but to be with Megha. This is unconditional, whereas curiosity is selfish love. I know you wouldn’t understand anything around it.
But trust me, sometimes love saves life too
. We will continue our research. Bye for now“
I was totally puzzled, but I just noticed.. this old man is…. Me! My old me..
The moment he stopped talking, the white color started to dissolve and could see the road through my watery helmet.
I just cleaned and noticed a small stone ahead and quickly evaded the stone and continue to ride. I felt blank for a second,
It looks like this has already happened to me… may be Dejavu.
No time to think about it now, I need to meet Megha soon, she will be waiting for me, waiting to hold my hands. I went faster, rains also stopped.
